.ready to run.

My Nan was real sick in the hospital after her second surgery and was having a hard time re cooperating. She was taken off the ventilator last Friday, and moved to the hospital’s hospice wing, and she passed away last night. I am beyond upset, and I am terrified of how this will effect me. 

On a happier note, I did join the gym and we started going two weekends ago. We got a discounted rate because of all my health and medical bills from a surgery I recently had (in May). Next month will be better, and I will be re-starting up the C25K program, and doing it in the gym and perhaps either supplementing the run with one outside a week, or promise to do the program once (to build stamina to complete it), then a second (to work on my pace), and then moving outside because its much different, and by then it’ll be fall time and much more bearable outside.

My Nan has been sick and in the hospital for nearly a month at this point. She’s had two surgeries on her abdomen, and this last one is taking a lot longer for her to recover. She’s been really out of it, babbling, unable to pay attention and not her usual alert, feisty and fun self.

We knew there was something off, but kept getting the run-around from the hospital staff. Its the meds, its the anesthesia, and now they’re saying she needs to go back onto a ventilator. My Nan has COPD and emphysema, and they’re telling us she needs to go back on a ventilator for a little while. Will it make her better? I don’t know, I don’t think anybody knows. There’s a chance that that wonderful, bubbly and full of life Nan I had a week ago is now gone, and I can’t handle it.

She has been more than just my Nan ever since I can remember. At times, she was more a mother to me than my own. I have confided in her so many times since I was a child, and I love her so very much. I can’t even imagine my life without her. And I am terrified that my last memories of her will be of this. This unrecognizable and incoherent babbling woman, and it terrifies me. All I want to go is roll into a ball and cry. That’s all I want to do, and I can’t. I just want to escape from this reality, and I can’t. It sucks, and I am buckling under all of this impending pressure.

If it comes to it, I don’t think I’m strong enough to make the decision to take her off the ventilator even though I know she explicitly told us she didn’t want to be on one for long-term. I don’t think I’m strong enough for any of this. I don’t think anyone in my family is prepared for this! 

I found a picture of someone a few days back, and you could see their tattoo. It was a tree on her lower back, but then it had detailing trailing up over on the sides and hips too. I could’ve swore I “liked” it, but for the life of me I can’t find it, and I have gone back through my feeds, looked at everyone’s profile, and now I think I could have missed it along the way somewhere because I’m so tired!

If any of you have a clue what I’m talking about, please send me an ask… I would love you foreverrr!

I FINISHED TODAY! Today we had a storm coming, so I suggested we go to the gym instead of running outside, and first and foremost I want to say that running/jogging/walking outside is WAY more of a workout than running/jogging/walking in a gym. At this particular moment, I could care less where I finished the program at though, its a feat for me!

I kept it at a 1.0 incline the entire time, which isn’t the best but its much better than 0.0 like most do. During the walking parts I kept it at around 3.0, and when we ran I varied between 4.0, 4.5, and near the end I did 5.0 and 5.8 to finish strong! I did 1.63 miles according to the treadmill and my pace average was 21:08 - not the best, but I am okay with that.

My calorie burn according to my bodybugg was at around 600 calories (610 now, since I’m still burnin’ away! I just got home), made it to 4300 steps, and my activity time (most likely when I was running/jogging) came to approximately 18 minutes!

Now I need to hop into the shower and get ready - I have a wedding tonight. I feel much better!! Have a nice night folks!

I try to be positive, and I prefer seeing positive posts on my dash. But tonight I can’t help but feel absolutely overwhelmed with sad and depressing thoughts. I am getting that feeling where all I want, and need is a good hard cry and yet there’s nothing there.

I can’t seem to get the emotions out, and its grating on my nerves and only bringing my mood down further. I hate nights like these, thankfully they don’t happen too often.

In a little while I am going to finally swing over to the hospital to visit my Nan. I’ve been avoiding it because it another hellish day out, and I am enjoying the air conditioning! When I come back, depending if my roommate is asleep, or not, then I’ll probably do a workout DVD. I’ve been trying to see if I can get the Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis set, but its $90 I think, and I’m worried I’ll buy the wrong set. With the weight I am, I can only imagine that I’m “omnicentric” (weight all over), but as I begin to chisel away at my form, I could be any of the three others which worries me a bit. Not to mention, I have so many workout DVD’s already, some of which I’ve never even USED.

I also am planning on relaxing a bit after my workout, but then work out again before my husband gets home, if possible. We’ll see, I need to really kick it up a notch, but the heat is making it unbearable to go outside. We’re got an advisory going on, even yesterday wasn’t smart to go for a run in it. I’m going to try to get a membership at the YMCA again. I miss taking classes there, but also I really would prefer to run inside since I am in more control of my speed, and whatnot for the C25K. However, in the later weeks I totally plan on supplementing it with running and jogging outside, because I know there is such a difference between a treadmill and asphalt or what have you.

Anyway, I thought I’d share my plans with you in the hopes that it’d inspire me to finally get off my ass and get started! Best of luck with your day!

~Christie <3

skinnygeek:

FIX. IT.

(via crissfit)

In the midst of it all: my Nan having yet another, more invasive surgery last night, today being my 6 month anniversary since I got married, and it being hellish outside, I did attempt Day 2 of the Week 1 Couch to 5k program. I made it about half-way again, and I burned around 500 calories, almost 2800 steps, and while I wish I had gotten farther I am still glad that I did it. 

These past few weeks have been so difficult for me. I am so close to my Nan and I am being faced with so many terrible thoughts of my life without her, should something go wrong. Now more than ever I am realizing just how important my family and LIVING is. I stand by my post about the people who seem to live on tumblr, and I already removed a few of the people I follow. There was drama with one person on here who went off on a tirade about how I am attempting to come off as a victim or some shit, a victim of what? I don’t know. I’m not here for drama, and while I know everyone has their down moments, fishing for complements incessantly is lame, so I quickly un-followed them. 

I’m going to relax for a little while, get something healthy and nutrition in post-work out, shower and get all pretty for my anniversary dinner tonight with my amazing husband. I am beyond lucky to have him in my life - to my followers, thank you for staying tuned. But, go and live life and be active and healthy! Tumblr will be here when you get back, I promise! :)

<3 ~Christie

I love the people I watch. Its primarily why I watch them (obviously), BUT, I hate to say it, but if you guys spent 1/2 the time you spent on tumblr actually DOING things, you’d probably see more progress. I’m just saying. You post all this shit about being active, and healthy, and I mean its obvious you’re spending way too much time on tumblr.

I was away from the computer at the hospital, my Nan went back into surgery. I was gone roughly 6 hours, and I kid you not I went through about 20 pages of posts to get back to where I was. You guys need to realize that your main priority is to be healthy, fit, and active. By spending all your time reblogging and liking things, you’re really missing out on the main goal of it all, I think.

Seriously. I suggest getting something like StayFocused for chrome, and block Tumblr after a certain time of being on it, because some of you seriously don’t seem to have a life beyond it. Is that harsh? I’m sorry, but you need to hear it.

Name: Christie
Age: 25
Birthday: Jan. 20
Where are you from: Delaware
Favourite colour: Purple
Favourite band: Hard one.. sort-of changes. The Decemberists?
Favourite singer: Again. Hard. David Bowie?
Favourite song: Blah! Decemberists - The Rake Song?
Favourite TV Show: Currently Game of Thrones, but my all-time was probably Ally McBeal or Dawson’s Creek.
Favourite film: I love musicals of all kinds!
Favourite book: Harry Potter Series
Favourite actor: Colin Firth
Favourite actress: Kate Winslet
Favourite food: Mashed Potatoes
Favourite drink: Diet Pepsi/Lemonade
Favourite sport: Volleyball
Favourite shop: Forever 21
Celebrity crush: Gerard Butler
Hobbies: Games! (PC, Xbox, PS - I love them all!)
Tattoos: A small symbol (of friendship) on the inside of my left ankle. 
Piercings: Ears, one closed though.
Question for me: Do you have a workout playlist? I’d love to see it!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(via )

286to130:

mybeautifulcurves:

losingitforme:

I feel so alone.

Reblog if you are so we can become friends. :]

 I knoww this feeling! Following you all!!

You’re not alone!! 286!

I’m around 270. I need to get back into weighing regularly on Saturdays. You’re not alone!

(via 286to130-deactivated20111003)

I was on tumblr for a while before I left. Synced up my iPod, got the podcasts all loaded on, when push came to shove though, I wasn’t able to completely the full Day 1 program. I’m okay with that. I made it about half-way through, and I will probably rest (do something else) tomorrow, and try again on Wednesday. 

I admit I’m a little bummed. I was on such a high to finally be a runner, but I am realizing its going to take me time to get conditioned. I doubt I’ll be able to complete the entire program in the allotted time, but the main difference is that I am FINALLY doing it, even if I’m unable to finish, its a huge step in the right direction.

For dinner we had some baked tilapia, rice, and spinach. Om nom nom!